I went to my very first gala on Saturday night. It was a benefit for Piedmont Wildlife Center, which is kind of dumb since they're rolling in money and don't have a wildlife clinic anymore to, as they put it, "support our local wildlife." I was sort of the guest of honor, since they were showing my 12-minute video as one of the main events. But I couldn't even get in at first because Sarah forgot to "put me on the list" as she assured me she would, so I had to be rescued and it was a bit embarrassing. More embarrassing was my awkwardly ad-libbed introduction to the video, which was shown on an enormous screen in front of like 80 people. But no one was really paying attention anyway so it was okay. I spent the night hanging out with gumby because I didn't know anyone else there and he and I get along swimmingly. I made friends with a little kid named Nicholas; we sent him to fetch us creampuffs from the dessert table until he got bored and wanted to work on his cordage instead. (He was quite good at cordage, way better than me--which I guess isn't saying much considering my cordage attempts come out looking like old seaweed.)

Last week Griz came out and we had a pretty chill evening since I couldn't think of anything fun to do on a random Tuesday night. I showed him downtown Carrboro/Chapel Hill, and almost had to drag him out of a CD store; he told me he would have spent all night in there if I'd let him. We ate dinner at Spanky's, then used my 10 receipts to get free frozen yogurt at YoPo. Walked back to the apartment and decided to watch one of the DVDs he'd brought with him. He made the mistake of letting me pick so we totally spent 1.5 hours watching Pixar's Up. It was actually quite fun--very cute, entertaining. Griz is a cool guy. He had a lot to talk about, so I did a lot of listening, which I don't mind, since it was interesting things he wanted to talk about. Like his future plans of opening up a wilderness retreat for family trips, to be run by himself and his parents. He had all kinds of plans in mind; it sounded quite lovely and I hope it happens someday.

Sunday at UU church we made pumpkin pies for the whole congregation. Mike broke his arm/elbow Friday night when his bike skidded into a pile of wet leaves, so he's wearing a silly sling and is getting rather tired of telling the same story to every person who sees it. He and I went to the 2.30 showing of the musical, "Children of Eden." (He came back to my apt in between pie-making and the musical, which I don't want to talk about because it was a bad idea and I regret it.) The musical was fabulous. We have so much hidden talent in our community, especially in the kids--like Marion's son Franklin, who played Abel; his voice was rich and clear and right on key. I wish he'd had a bigger part. Oh, and I "baked" "blueberry muffins" for the concession stand they had at intermission, though honestly they shouldn't have been sold for more than 25c since they looked like yellow hockey pucks and probably tasted that way too. Oh wellz, I tried.

Soo uh I haven't been to class since last Friday. Yesterday, a Monday, I usually have two classes in the morning, both of which I declined to attend yesterday. Because I just have no energy or interest anymore. Same thing happened this morning. I am determined to go to my 2pm today, since it covers material I can't easily find for myself, and also I like that class (Comparative Vertebrate Anatomy). Then I babysit 7-9.30, then I'll drive to my parents' house to spend the night so we can leave for the beach bright-n-early tomorrow.

I think that's everything I wanted to remember. I love winter light; it has a really nice crisp quality, coming through my window as I type this. My belly is full of fair trade Peruvian coffee. I'm so fucking pumped for Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday.

Oh, P.S. I've embarked on a Roseanne marathon via YouTube, galloping through one episode after another (which I guess is pretty easy to do since they're only 20mins). It's so dang good. I'm in love with Dan Conner.

so you weigh them in your hands and then you shut your mouth..."

My morning got off to a rough start, waking up from a bad dream about B. In it I was as I always was with her; I did as she said and tried not to mess up. Something about making Halloween masks, I think. It left me very uneasy. Remembering the chaos and the panic of hectic schedules and strict deadlines, just wanting(needing) to be competent & confident, to earn her respect, that unattainable goal. I never accomplished that goal in three summers and I certainly didn't get there in that dream.

So my day started off bad and just got worse. It's wet rainy yucky cold, my head is pounding and it hurts to swallow. Breathing isn't so easy either. Something tight, taut, ready to break? There's no way to prepare for something you can't see.

Wish I could do it all over.

Gahhh I'm way too lazy to make a good update but I should I should. I will.

Last Sunday was my mom's 56th birthday so I took off work and spent the day at my parents' house. For her gift I scanned a photo she'd taken a couple years ago at the beach, added to it the text of that "serenity prayer," slightly altered, because she mentioned a few weeks ago how much she liked its message, printed it out, and put the finished image in a nice wooden frame. Printed out & framed it looks a bit different than in that JPEG, but you get the idea. I think she liked it a lot. Her birthday was weird, there were strange vibes in the house and something just didn't feel right; I think she'd had a bad morning at work and maybe had argued with my dad earlier, I don't know...It was weird. She ended up accidentally punching my dad in the groin. Don't ask, it's hard to explain but it was actually pretty hilarious. My dad's birthday (58) was yesterday, so I went back out to their house and we cooked out and the mood was much more pleasant than last week. For his gift I dug up (i.e., Googled) a bunch of praise-y quotes about him as a journalist (most of them from close friends & former colleagues), put them together into a poster-like image, printed it out & put it in a big frame. I wish I took pictures of both his & my mom's finished, framed gifts, but I didn't think of it. Oh well. They look much better printed & framed.

Last night I went to a show at The Cave with Eli. And it made me remember why I don't go to shows anymore--really, really loud and terrible music, claustrophobic, expensive cover ($7!!!!) and crappy drinks. Buuuut Eli wanted to go so I didn't complain. We only stayed for two bands and walked back to my apartment. This morning he came with me to the middle school group. This week was something different & special--gumby (a naturalist I met working at PWC) led some hikes around the church grounds. And he brought in his impressive scat collection, and hair book, and various jarred kill-sites. Such fascinating stuff. And it seemed the kids really liked it, especially the fox den and the persimmon fruit and the cordage. We even found slug scat, which one kid transferred to a piece of bark and carried around all morning. I'm so glad we got such perfect weather for it. After the second service we all met up at Weaver Street--me, gumby, Katie, Eli, and Mike. A very strange group of people from three separate circles whose sole connection to each other was me. That was an odd feeling, but not a bad one.

I saw Ghost the other night, for the first time. I'd never ever seen it before, and always wanted to. Well I loved it. I didn't realize it was so funny, kind of assumed it was entirely dark, serious & dramatic. But I definitely found myself laughing out loud more than a couple times. Could've been the wine. Oda Mae walking down the street yelling at an invisible PSwayze was hilarious. The sad part was realizing that Patrick truly is gone now and I'll bet his wife was wishing Ghost could come true. Oh. Sad :(.

I made a new mix CD for myself, called Tangles. It looks like ( this. )
I'm not quite satisfied with the order of the tracks, which is one I let iTunes shuffle decide on, but I'll either get used to it or change it eventually. It was important for me to put these songs together because in general I have no tolerance for female artists so I needed to remind myself that there are some I really love.

I'm so excited for Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday of the year, no question. Not too long now!

Since reading Eat, Pray, Love I've begun to incorporate some of Gilbert's advice into my own life. Because sad thoughts get me down so easily--like everyone else, I'm sure--I've decided to just ignore them. My mantra for this is, "I will not harbor unkind thoughts." Slightly adapted from Gilbert's own. I repeat this to myself whenever bad/sad/angry thoughts are clamoring for attention in my heart & head, and it usually sends them away. I've needed this more lately. This stubborn denial of unpleasantness. I am not manic depressive, as far as I know, but like many people I swing wildly between happy & sad from one moment to the next, and all it takes is the brief appearance of one of those unkind thoughts to send me from high skip-along giddiness to the depths of self-pity. Thus begins a whole cascade of boo-hoos that I can't hold back if my mantra isn't strong enough. Overall I'm pretty satisfied with myself, with my life and where it's at, but...it's so easy...to slip. One unkind thought, and boom. Like the fact that I'm 21.5 years old and still so, so alone. Or how it's been almost 10 years since I gained some extra weight and I still haven't lost it. Or how I haven't spoken to my best friends from high school in months and months, maybe it's been more, I don't know. Or how sometimes, to feel better, I drink a glass of wine, and then two, and then three...Or how to fall asleep at night I take a SleepAid, then to wake up in the morning I need coffee, which keeps me up at night so I down more sleeping pills, and so on. Or how my dog is at least 13 years old and falling apart on the inside, and there can't be more than three years left. Or how I'm graduating in six months and I don't feel at all prepared to leave the school environment, or even that I've learned much that will put me in a position to be gainfully employed. Or how I might not ever have children, which is my worst and scariest dream. Or how I will end up alone, always alone.

I know many of these thoughts are ones that everyone normally endures, but as is typical of me I let them consume me and smack me around, and then I complain about it. I know they'll never go away; they are a permanent and normal part of life. That doesn't change the fact that they bring me down so low and sometimes I can't get back up. I don't want to harbor them, but they--well, some in particular--have had an established residence in my heart since 7th grade, planting toxic seeds that have grown into vines over the years, twisting around the pretty flowers or whatever. The pretty flowers being my accomplishments, my good memories, the things I can be proud of. Somehow it's so much easier to grow vines.

Awesome: Finding two $5 bills on the floor of Student Stores today while standing in line to buy coffee. I hesitated before picking them up (didn't want to appear too eager), loudly announced I had found $10, asked if anyone was missing it, and didn't get a reply. Another girl in line told me I shouldn't feel bad about pocketing it, so I did. I used one bill to pay for my coffee and gave the other to that girl. Cuz I'm a pimp.

Not Awesome: During a review session for my Development exam, prof couldn't answer any questions coherently, and even had the nerve to--after making repeated fumbled attempts at answering a student's question--exclaim in exasperation, "It's hard to think of this stuff just, you know, on the fly!" Well, gee, tell me about it. That's what you're making us do tomorrow morning for 25% of our grade, so, uh, a little leniency please?

Still Pretty Awesome: "On the fly" was an unintentional (I'm assuming) pun since a major topic of the exam is the development of the fruit fly (Drosophila). Durrrr puns.

Per Adrien's request, I am making a post (including pictures) of things I like at the moment. Just so everyone can be sure!

1. KEXP's Song of the Day podcast (...still...forever...always...)


2. Oatmeal! A hot wholesome bowlful tastes great on a chilly morning. Especially with strawberries, as pictured here, or with frozen blueberries, which I added to my oatmeal this morning.


3. Wnt signalling pathway, because I understand it and can even act it out if requested.


Three is a good number. Goo goo g'joob!

Today I had a great lunch: plain bagel (no spread), fair trade coffee (no sugar added), and 1 large York peppermint patty, all for $3.42. I hate buying lunch but I might do this more often.

I definitely have way more important things to update about, but, um, I'm super busy and lacking energy and this is all I could endure at the moment. Wummph.

we demonstrate the dangerous effects of night sweats!

Yo so I finally finished a rough draft of my internship paper, the one I've been working on since the end of August. Yeah! I feel so accomplished.

On Wednesday I went on another excursion with gumby, this time into the woods behind my church. (It sounds suggestive, I know; I realized after writing him an email that said "let's see what we can find in the woods behind my church" how weird it really seemed.) It was a very successful trip! We discovered: a fox den, fox prints, raccoon scat, a generous persimmon tree (I'd never tasted the fruit before; it's surprisingly orange-y), an old killsite with bloody feathers and discarded bird bones, deer rubs, and many deer trails. I love this stuff. And he even offered to "guest" at my middle school youth group, to take them on the same walk we went on and show them all that cool stuff. Not this Sunday but the next, hopefully. I'm super excited, and I think the kids will be too.

I've recently gotten into Wondermark, not via the Innernet but through a Wondermark book in the Bull's Head Bookstore. It's fucking hilarious, and I can't get enough of it. David Malki! is my new hero.

Speaking of heroes, some journalism student wrote an article about my dad for the Durham Herald-Sun. And it mentions me! I'm officially famous. Also it features a photo of him wearing a ridiculous scarf, because he is awesome.

Work at Food Lion lately has been really surreal. I've become a very different employee than I began as, meaning, I no longer give a shit. And it makes things so much more fun/interesting/entertaining. For example, the other night no one working was fully competent: D was pregnant and nauseous, KB was sick and infectious, KD was high, and I was experiencing the illuminating effects of 20oz of black coffee. The night passed fairly quickly.

My Art professor sent me a creepy email about my lack of involvement in the class since the exam grades came out. First of all, I didn't intend it to be (or even realize that it was) so obvious, and second of all, it's not a reaction to the exam grades but an expression of disgust towards the dumbasses in my group who have ruined my grade for that class. I've decided any investment in the class is no longer worth it, therefore I don't participate in class discussions. Good riddance! I haven't replied yet, not sure if I will. So awkward and unnecessary, and just uncalled for. Boo poo.

Dr Oz just told us that the level of testosterone in one's body correlates to the length of one's ring finger. I am decidedly female.

An ~80-year-old pin oak tree fell on two students yesterday. Just gave up living and toppled right over; really bizarre. Apparently the entire trunk had rotted through, even though the apical buds were continuing to sprout new growth. The students are fine, only a few minor scrapes & bruises, which is why I feel okay about laughing my ass off at the idea of an old tree just, you know, falling over. Boom. Tree, meet ground. To me it creates a very funny mental image. You can watch a 1-min video with footage from the scene. Poor old tree. 'Tis a shame; it sure was pretty.

I had an exam in my Evolution of Vertebrate Life class today. That in itself is not noteworthy, but this was: seeing the answer sheet accidentally flashed up on the projector. The professor is a young guy who is extremely knowledgeable but also extremely awkward, which makes a very entertaining combination. In the middle of us taking our exams, when all you could hear was the scratching of #2s on Scantrons (ugh, I loathe), he inadvertently placed the answer sheet under the ceiling camera that projects onto the enormous screen at the front of the room. Unfortunately he realized his mistake right away, and the paper was promptly removed after no more than a second. Some guy quipped, "Hey can you put that back up?" And poor Corey, so embarrassed, grinned sheepishly and shuffled his papers around a bit. And replaced the incriminating answer sheet with a blank answer sheet, just to tease us. I'm optimistic about my performance on this exam; hopefully my optimism is well-placed? For the last exam I got an 85, which should have been higher had I read the book. This time I studied the book and my notes, so maybe that will give me a few extra points. Then again, maybe not. It was a difficult exam.

Instead of re-telling my (admittedly tame) Halloween adventures, I think I'll just copy & paste what I sent to my nana (in return for her generous monthly $50 check, I send her a prompt newsy email that always begins with my sincerest thanks).
Halloween night was beautiful! Couldn't have been more perfect weather--clear skies, bright moon, temps in the 60s. And I had a great time. A friend talked me and several others into joining her in a group costume of the "horcruxes" from the Harry Potter books. I'm still not very familiar with the idea, but it's something to do with Lord Voldemort splitting his evil soul into seven parts...and we dressed up as the seven parts...I don't know, it's described in the books I guess (I haven't gotten past the fifth book yet). I was a snake called Nagini, and I wore some old green sheets that I decorated with colorful sequins and bright paint, and the others in our group were a locket, a diary, a goblet, etc.--we made quite a sight, I'm sure. We spent all of Saturday afternoon creating our costumes (which, if I do say myself, were mighty impressive works of art), and then ventured out to Franklin Street for the rest of the night. Saw some very creative costumes--"E.T.", Twister board, Lady Gaga, a bunch of grapes, characters from "Oregon Trail," and more. Altogether an excellent Halloween :).

What I didn't include was that we spent the latter part of the night at a bar, where we enthusiastically entered our whole group into a costume contest. Spoiler: we didn't win. (Actually, we left before the winners were announced, so until I hear we officially did not win, I can't say for sure that we didn't!)

Eli finally got to see my UU church, when he came with me Sunday morning. It was a family service so the kids spent half the time in the service, then joined me & Mike for post-Halloween discussions (we demanded important details like who went as what, with whom, to where, and how much loot everyone got). But Eli stayed in the service so he didn't get to meet the kids. Next time!

I'm eating a fair trade organic orange dark chocolate bar both because I am a wannabe hipster and also I have excellent taste. Mmm!

You could become very dangerous, and I, I would really like it. This could become very serious, and it would be a laugh and a kiss. Like on the street where the kids yelled, "What hte hell are you supposed to be?!" at my sister. And my sister, she just smiled, as she replied, "Supposed to be? I never gave it any thought. Never game a damn what I'm 'supposed to be.' But if you're asking what I am, I'm a walking talking question mark--I'm a walking, fuckin' time bomb!" Then my sister, she smiled, and she turned and she walked away. And those kids, they just stood there and st-st-st-st-stammered. And now, you and I, we're gonna live up to my sister's good example. You know? We know! You know? We know! We know! We know! You could become very serious, but I don't think that you'd like it. 'Cause all this, it is pretty dangerous. So hey, let's just laugh, and let's kiss, in spite of all this...You know? We know!

Oh geez I forgot to update for a few days and now I'm starting to forget what's happened. Oh geeeeeez.

Well. I went to the State Fair with Eli and his co-counselor Grizz on Saturday. It was not such a good day at first--I got there before them and ended up wandering around the fairgrounds, in the rain, alone, for close to two hours, until they finally showed up. I was wet, hungry, tired, lonely, and just plain mad. But when they finally arrived all good was restored and it ended up being a swell evening. We rode the ferris wheel, went to a "freak show" exhibit featuring mediocre taxidermy and sad-looking goats, did the bumper cars, and went to another "freaky animal" exhibit with the most bizarre creatures I've ever encountered: six-legged sheep, mini-bull, cow with an extra set of hind legs growing out of its side, etc. At first I was super depressed by it all, since the animals seemed so sad and were living in their own filth. There were signs everywhere saying that the animals had regular check-ups with vets and were constantly supplied with food/water/bedding, which I didn't see great evidence for, but, I tried to enjoy myself anyway. The mini-bull made it all worth while. They had those things where you could put a quarter in to get a handful of feed, and this little bull would shove his snout up against the bars and lay his fat tongue out expecting the food. It's hard to describe so you can picture it but just know it was fucking hilarious. I almost peed myself. He'd just flop his fat little tongue out and stare up with hungry sad eyes and it was impossible to resist sprinkling the pellets all over his tongue. He totally earned it. Speaking of feeding, I had planned to go all out and get some fried Oreos, but while standing in line I got scared and knew I couldn't handle it so I went with funnel cake instead, at least it's familiar. But I couldn't even finish the whole thing; Eli helped. I did try some of Grizz's fried Oreo later and knew I had made the right choice. That shit was awful. Also we got frozen bananas and enjoyed pointing out the obvious phallic resemblance at every chance we got. After the fair we went to a haunted house which was pretty dumb but fun I guess. They put it in a Circuit City and tried to cover up the huge Circuit City sign in front of the store with some banner I couldn't even read. Anyway we got candy afterwards so I guess it was worth the $10.

Sunday morning I met gumby at West Point on the Eno and we spent four hours just wandering through the woods, stopping whenever we wanted to look more closely at something (which was often). Since he's an experienced naturalist he was able to tell me about all the different mushrooms and the various edible roots. I ate some putty root and even tried a poisonous mushroom, which is okay if you don't swallow it but spit it out instead. It was very peppery. He also showed me how to make cordage out of willow branches, and his collection of kill-site feathers that, if you know how to read them, can tell you a lot about what killed the bird (owl/hawk/fox/etc.) and how the bird was attacked (feathers plucked or ripped, chewed on, nipped, etc.). I'm excited to go on more walks with him so I can continue to expand my knowledge of what goes on all around us, all the time. Pictures from the walk.

Monday I returned to the animal hospital for the first time since June. Since Piedmont Wildlife Center's clinic closed, a new clinic has opened up in the same site, Triangle Wildlife Rehabilitation Hospital. Basically the same thing, but under new management and entirely separate from PWC. It's very quiet there now--many fewer animals, which is normal around this time of year anyway, but we're also waiting to get back some of the animals that were taken by home rehabbers during the transition. Susan showed me how to give ointment to a cardinal with a bad eye infection, and how to give ICE shots to a recently amputated turtle. Dr M was so happy to see me, which is actually her normal demeanor (very bubbly and excitable) but it felt good to be so warmly welcomed. She kept saying, "Ohhh we need you! Are you coming back?! Please, please come back! We need you!" It made me smile. I'll definitely be back.

Yesterday I registered for classes, my last time doing so at UNC. For my one remaining requirement, a Visual & Performing Arts class, I'm taking "Film Issues," which is a weekly 3-hour class that I'm hoping will consist of watching good movies and talking about them over cookies and hot chocolate. I'm also taking, just for fun, "Ethnography of Africa" (taught by a professor I had last semester and liked), "Major American Authors" (so I'll be forced to read all the classics I've never gotten around to reading), and "Intro to Language" (a linguistics course because I am crazy about that stuff). Except for the Monday night film class (6-9pm), my Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays are completely free. Woooo more work hours!

Tonight I'm making sweet potato fries with balsamic fig vinegar. Mmmmm so delish.

An example of something I heard once, would really like to hear again, but will never be able to: acoustic version of Modest Mouse's "Float On" around a Unirondack campfire, summer 2008. Before I'd ever heard the actual song. So brilliant.

Possible names for possible children, inspired by CAKE songs that make otherwise odd names sound somehow okay: Jolene, Daria, Ruby.

( All you never wanted to know about me. )

Those were very emotionally draining. I need to go recuperate. By eating fried Oreos and riding the Tilt-A-Whirl at the State Fair.

Things To Complain About:
-iTunes somehow deleted all my KEXP podcasts from my iPod
-people who pronounce "issue" as "iss-you"
-Roy Zimmerman's idea of "Florida and the Deep South" for his Fall Tour is...Florida, and only Florida
-the members of my ART 255 group are lazy ignorant bitches whose sole contribution to the team effort is to help us all receive a grade of "Unacceptable" on our bibliography (for which I supplied 3/4 of the articles, no really, you're welcome)
-still not being done with my internship paper
-sore throat
-no more leftover Indian food
-the closing shift at FL
-Hulu will start charging viewing fees in 2010

Things I Am Pretty OK With:
-gorging myself on delicious Indian food and Barefoot wine and YoPo
-on that note--building up enough stamina to burn more calories than ever before during my workouts at the gym
-going on a hike with gumby on Sunday
-(and taking a break from MSYG for the first Sunday in...a long time)
-State Fair on Saturday!!!
-coupon for $2 off a pumpkin spice latte (it's the little things)
-making considerably more money playing with a 4-year-old than I do pretending to laugh at my customers' jokes at Food Lion (and it's in cash)
-Emily sent a long (and happy-sounding) email update about her adventures in South Korea
-Roseanne marathons on Oxygen

Plus...Carolina men's basketball season is swiftly approaching... :)

I finally found somewhere to host my internship video. So here it is, in its 12 minutes of glory. Be forewarned, it has a lot of adorable children doing adorable things! And some sappy campy songs. The quality in this embed is pretty awful--I guess somehow the Flash conversion makes it gross and pixel-y--but you can still get a good idea of what it looks like on DVD (much better). Enjoy!

 

Things are going well. This is not the kind of thing I can accurately express on LJ, but something about being a new stranger every year, and taking a year to get to know that stranger as a friend, someone whose presence is comfortable, until May 1 comes again and I have to start all over. It's not so unpleasant, but frustrating, and getting old. When do I become me, etc, etc. I'll spare you. The point is that I'm okay! Even with the swiftly advancing cold air, and the darkness coming earlier every day, and tired red eyes, you know, I can see something past it so it doesn't frighten me so much this year.

Friday afternoon Eli arrived, but his coming was on such short notice that I'd already made plans for that night so he ended up going contra dancing alone. I went to a friend's house for dinner. She worked at the wildlife rehab clinic where I volunteered, and I hadn't seen her since it closed in June, so Friday night I drove out to Raleigh and met her and her girlfriend, who cooked us a delicious meal of pasta with mushrooms and marinated tofu. And I met their new puppy Bean, who is abso-frickin'-lutely adorable, and their older dog Chestnut, also a sweetie. And we had homemade pumpkin pie, too. So it was a really nice evening with good conversation and good food and PUPPIES. Godddd they were fun. I want a puppy.

Saturday Eli and I got brunch at Carolina Coffee Shop and went to see Where The Wild Things Are. I loved it! And I'm so happy that I loved it, because I was preparing to be disappointed since I am generally pretty picky about book adaptations. But seriously, it went above and beyond my highest expectations and was just fantastic. So creative, and well executed, and beautiful, and very very good. Even the child actor was flawless. So I certainly recommend the film, to everyone! Then I worked an eight-hour shift at Food Lion, which was just as thrilling as it sounds. I even got to stay a half hour after closing because Francis had to finish up some stupid work where he couldn't legally be alone in the store. Lucky me.

This morning was middle school youth group as usual...It's a strange dynamic this year, because most of the kids I've worked with for the past three years have moved up to high school, so we have a lot of new faces and it's hard to get used to. Not that I don't enjoy it, I'll just need some time to develop the same bonds with these kids that I have with the older group. Oh, and speaking of kids, I took up a new babysitting job. Every Wednesday night (and some Tuesdays) I spend 2.5 hours with a four-year-old girl who is fun, talkative, bright, and playful. So it's a very easy evening and I get $20 for coloring with crayons and telling stories to a cute kid. Pretty sweet!

Next Saturday Eli and I are going to the State Fair. So excited!!! I've never been before and everyone always tells me how fun it is, so I can't wait. I hate crowds full of fat sweaty people and long lines and crappy food, but every once in a while on a special occasion it's okay. I'll be having too much fun to notice.

I can't decide how I feel about my body lately. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm quite pleased--I'm starting to get a little definition in my tummy area, and I'm trying to tone up my arms some. But other times I look and I'm disgusted--so much excess that doesn't belong anywhere. I wish I could just be happy with it, but realistically speaking, that day will probably never come. Oh well.

Balloon Boy's name is Falcon. Ahahahaha. Sucker.

There was a Roseanne marathon on the Oxygen channel today, and I watched it for a good three hours while I read my Cell Biology textbook and did ab exercises. Oh, and drank a heavenly mixture of coffee and hot chocolate with a side of peanut butter toast and a perfectly ripe banana. While wearing a really cozy sea-green sweater I salvaged from Emily's Goodwill pile. So basically, this afternoon rocked. Even though the weather is shitty (from 75 to 50F in one day is not my idea of a smooth transition) and it's raining the freezing kind of sleety rain, I am decidedly happy. Oh and Sam and I can now take hot showers again because Mel is here replacing the stupid part of the water heater that is apparently not doing its job correctly. Cold showers in 50-degree rainy weather? No thanks, ever. Well, maybe after a good workout, then it's actually kind of nice, as I discovered this morning.

Sooooooooooo. Mood swings. Yeah. At least this one is an upswing!


I don't know what my future intentions are with this photo (write something on the face?) but I wanted to improve my Photoshopping skillz. Only failed a little bit; I wanted the face to be more evenly-toned with the neck, but whatever. Still interesting.

Back from Shelter Neck! Definitely one of the better ones, if not the best. No serious drama, or extended unpleasantness, or up-all-nighters, etc. And sufficient sleep (3-8am) both nights. We went canoeing, made Shrinky Dinks (mine is a psychedelic frog licking a good-looking lollipop), had a campfire and s'mores, put on a great service with the middle schoolers complete with a play about a Russian farmer and an old decrepit horse, played Capture the Flag, lots of Mafia, and so on. John the Quaker led a superb game of Back-Handed Compliments (which Agatha unintentionally won with a comment about my jacket--priceless). Mike taught me how to play chess. The billy goat at the canoeing place stuck his tongue out at us, several times. Nick said "I'll tell ya I'll tell ya" much to our happy delight. The spaghetti was delicious. So was coffee mixed with hot chocolate. Murray the Catfish joined the party. I tried to get the kids to solve the Candadian paddlers riddle, but with not much success. Mike drew a beautiful stork/emu for the opening worship on Friday night which became our spirit guide for the weekend. Our theme was Big Things & Small Things. I miss the middle schoolers that have become high schoolers--it's so strange to see them as the "older kids." I joined a band called Silent Treatment, which was originally known as Scream Therapy Sucks Because They Didn't Let Us Join Their Band, and then for a while it was Talking Cure, then we found our niche: our demo tape is full of tracks featuring the sound of us flipping pages of books and breathing heavily. Clean up was easy! The ride back with Mike & Agatha was full of pleasant adult conversation, and then we listened to some classic pop songs. Rocked the suburbs. I came home and slept a lot.

Dude we (the US) crashed a rocket into the moon this morning! Whaaaat that's so cool. I got up early to watch it live on NASA's website. They're going to analyze the resulting humongous dust cloud for evidence of water. If they find life on the moon I'm totally going to be the first one to be friends with it. I hope it likes banana bread because that's about all I can handle as a peace offering. With WALNUTS!




Also: President Obama was awarded the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize for efforts to unite the world in peace & good times or something. That's cool I guess, right? I'm all for showing my respect for a wonderful guy who is pretty awesome in almost all respects, but, really. Where do I sign up to get a globally prestigious prize for sayin' I'm gonna do things but haven't quite gotten around to them yet? I would like to know so I can start shining my green gold.

I don't understand why I like Tegan & Sara. Their lyrics are crap, a lot of their songs sound the same, and female artists in general just don't appeal to me so much. But for some bizarre reason, every time I put their CD in my car stereo it stays there for like two weeks. And I pull it down from my visor case way too often. I don't get it. Their music is just so catchy! But this is based only on So Jealous, so I might change my mind if I hear more. I know they have other music, and a new album out soon, but I'm too lazy to check it out (or I'm afraid I'll hate it?).

Anyway, in other music news...as my dumb Facebook reports, I've unofficially pledged my heart, soul, & allegiance to DJ Earworm. Boy can do no wrong. I'd marry him, but apparently he's gay. Whatever. Shouldn't stop me.

In other other music news...KEXP's Song of the Day podcast still rocks majorly. It's all I've been listening to lately. Besides gym songs. You should check it out!

I'm just going to make this a music post.

Sublime's "Doin' Time" = perfection. There's not one single thing I can say bad about it, except that it's too short. And it makes me miss summer because 40 Oz. to Freedom, So Jealous, The Cranberries and the Violent Femmes were like the only things I listened to all three months of summer. Damn. ((Evil--I've come to tell you that she's e-vill--most definitely--evilorneryscandalousandevil--most definitely...))

Um so...This music post isn't to brag about all the totally awesome music I listen to, since T&S and DJ Earworm and even Sublime aren't exactly Hall-of-Famers (well, I'd argue for Earworm, but okay). It's just because I like talking about music. Yeah, I do. Boy howdy.

Oh! And. The GaYe tour was canceled. Heh. Snort.


Non-music news in a strictly-music post: UNC wants to put a 24-hour Wendy's in the Student Union. Gross. And shameful. Better solution: Everybody comes to Rick's.

Please let me testify.

God I love slow Saturdays. I just had four exams this past week, so now there's a bit of a lull before we start up again, and I have today off from work for some reason, which means today is full of lazy do-nothing-ness. And yet, I've already been to the gym and gotten a good start on my internship paper. Can't seem to stop myself, I guess.

Also, I killed a cockroach :(. It was in my room, near/practically on my bed, and I just couldn't handle that. So I smashed it, and flushed it down the toilet. Now I'm staring at a disembodied leg and marveling at the perfect science of it (it's got all these cool barbs and shit) and I feel kind of bad. Apparently this species (American cockroach) is one of the fastest running insects--moving at a speed "comparable to a human running at 205 mph" (thanks, Wikipedia). That's fucking brilliant. And I squashed it :(. Oh well...Knowing it won't be crawling over my face while I sleep makes me feel much better.

Have I mentioned how in love I am with Smithsonian magazine? It's like crack, I can't get enough it. I swear, if I had one practical wish (not like, "10 million dollars please!" or "Prince Charming, please!") it would be to have a full three weeks to just read whatever I could get my hands on. Do nothing but read, and drink coffee, and fall asleep in the sun. I'd read an awful lot of non-fiction, because I tend to get terribly bored with fiction, but of course I'd even it out with some good novels. I'd read quality stuff, not crappy beach books, and I might even use a highlighter for stuff I really liked. I'd probably start the morning out with a deep, intricately-woven novel (like my absolute favorite, The House of the Spirits, or anything by GGMárquez), and then launch into some textbook-like stuff (honestly, and I know this is beyond dorky, I really love reading my cell biology textbook), and then some essays (I have a fascinating-looking collection by Camille Paglia that Eli recommended), and then take a good chunk of the afternoon/evening for biographies, articles, and general non-fiction (Tim Flannery, Dick Feynman, Richard Dawkins, Michael Pollan, Aldo Leopold, etc.--I eat that stuff up). And of course I'd end the night with a good novel, because that's the best thing to get into sleep-mode with. And somewhere along the way I'd spend some time with some comics and cartoons (Calvin & Hobbes, Achewood). Damn. Now I want this, really badly. How can I make this happen.